truce

A phrase in a book I started struck me:

You must, at the very least establish a truce with realities not your own.* (emphasis mine)

Establish a truce with realities not your own. Maybe this seems unremarkable or obvious to you. Of course, everyone has different realities. We see, hear, feel, and interpret through the filter of our own minds and come to varied conclusions. Obvs. But I confess: I forget that sometimes. I hear someone express an opinion and think, “No one could really believe that!” Or someone tells me why they took an action, and I find it hard to believe they're telling me the truth. By default, I think people see, hear, feel, and understand the same as I do. I have to remind myself that, no, they do not! And then I have to remind myself that it is not my duty to persuade them how right my perception is, so they can change their mind and come to the logical conclusion I have. :D

When I was learning to become a Spiritual Director, the training included an internship in which I met with a few people who agreed to engage with me as their Spiritual Companion under the supervision of an experienced Spiritual Director—kind of like Practice Teaching or an Apprenticeship. In Spiritual Direction, our main job is to listen to the “directee,” as we call it, while they tell us about their spiritual life, their prayers, their devotions, the ways their hearts were moved by life or readings, what they saw, etc. This means describing their thoughts, including what they imagined.

My imagination is quite visual. I see “movies” in my mind. Images often arise as I read or hear words. Engaging in Spiritual Direction reinforced my realization that not everyone imagines or thinks visually. One directee was very musical and imagined in an auditory way. She said that often words were like hyperlinks in her mind, leading her to passages in musical pieces. Another of my fellow interns said she had a directee who was an artist. She painted pictures as she meditated. When the Spiritual Director intern asked her to tell her about her meditations, she held out her paintings, pointed, and said, “This.” And one time someone I was talking to about imagination said he did not have any imagination. No pictures, sounds, or anything else formed in his mind. I discovered this is called “Aphantasia.” “It is a condition characterized by the inability to form mental images, often referred to as having no ‘mind's eye’” (https://www.ebsco.com/research-starters/consumer-health/aphantasia). (By the way, I actually believe everyone has some kind of imagination, whether they form mental images or not. If they extract meaning from what they read, hear, etc., that, I believe, is imagination. But I digress.)

A big way I need to “establish a truce with realities not my own” is as I am participating in the melee of political differences. I read news, watch videos, and hear others’ takes on events, and have a difficult time accepting that people can actually believe what I see or hear so differently, especially when something seems immoral, deceitful, or hurtful to others, in particular, vulnerable others. How can they think what we are both hearing and seeing is right, or even, in some cases, what God desires? I know, of course, that in some cases, they do not. People act out of greed, selfishness, a desire to do evil, and so on, then purposely lie about it and deliberately falsely claim they are doing what they do because God wants them to, or whatever.

But, I think there are people who sincerely believe they are being led by God to do or condone things that I just as sincerely believe are the workings of Satan, or our broken world. In those cases, I must make a truce with realities not my own. I must accept that they have logical reasons to do and believe what they do. I can see for myself that they do and believe beautiful things that I do such as great love for their families, acting with generosity toward others, and so on. To help, I often tell myself, “He/she is the apple of God’s eye, just like I am.”

Establishing that truce does not mean I have to condone or support what I believe is against God’s will. I heard a scholar, Shai Held, talking about what it means to love your enemy, as we are instructed by God. He had much to say about this but one I found helpful was when he told a story that went like this: A woman came up to him and said her husband had abused her and her children for 15 years. She asked, “Are you saying I have to love him?” After first expressing his sorrow and saying no one should have to endure that for even one minute, let alone 15 years, he asked her, “Could you imagine praying for him that, somehow, before he dies, he comes to realize the enormity of what he did?” I don’t know, and the scholar himself said he doesn’t know, if that was the best response, but it seems helpful. Can I pray that the people whose realities are so different from mine, who act in ways that seem (and often are) evil will realize the enormity of what they are or have been doing? Can I pray that they will repent and, if possible, try to mend the results of their actions?

I do often feel sorry people who do evil things, whether I believe they are doing it deliberately, deceitfully, selfishly, greedily, or not. Regardless, I think they are depriving themselves of a good, joyous life. They may act happy, and even be happy at times, but I cannot believe they have deep joy and love in their hearts, making even the bad things that happen endurable, because they know God is with and in them. At the same time I am angry or sad or hurt by what they do, I have some pity. Not every moment, but at times. Is that good? Maybe it isn’t. Maybe it’s stupid or naive.

What are your thoughts about what it means to establish a truce with realities that are not your own? What do you think it means to love our enemies? I’d love to hear them.

*James K.A. Smith, Make Your Home in This Luminous Dark, Yale University Press, 2026, 26. Quoting Barry Lopez, Embrace Fearlessly the Burning World: Essays, Random House, 2022, 113.